I am not full of confidence, certainly not that confidence that other people seem to have. I am very hard on myself and am prone to harsh realism rather than kind thoughts about myself, but I do have an amazing fortitude, self reliance and a belief that I can make things work.
Why am I telling you this? I am telling you this because I am thinking about how the woman who knew people liked her but never really thought anyone liked looking at her has ended up with a blog that is now THREE YEARS OLD! Especially a blog which has a Sinful Sunday image for every week since I started it.
Three years ago, I posted this image.
I still adore this image. I sometimes look at it and think about the myriad of layers of meaning that I can ascribe to that picture. More than anything, today, I am thinking about how having a blog has given me my own space where nobody else controls what I say. Fitting in with all the other aspects of my life had often meant that I held my tongue about who I was, what I think and what I need. I still don’t share everything on here, but I am in control of those decisions.
It will be no surprise that as part of reflecting on three years of blogging, I have been thinking about images of me and my own self image. I find it fascinating that at times when I do not like what I see when I look at my whole body, there are a;ways views that I can see the beauty in. The camera is a wonderful tool for finding and seeing those parts of me. I know that I have a long way to go before I will get to a point that I find pictures of all of me a pleasure to see. Bizarrely, I have no qualms about being naked in front of people, there is just something much more challenging and uncompromising about the pictures than the experience.
One of the posts that I keep coming back to about body image is Is it hate? Am I a fraud? I am still very aware of the contradiction between my confidence and my response to my body. I am working on, and hoping to get to a time where I believe my body is beautiful to me instead of believing people like me despite those parts of my body. I am not likely to go around asking people to tell me what they think of my body. So, until I do find a way, I will definitely carry on using photography to remind myself that there are a whole lot of good parts and even parts that I dislike can look amazing sometimes.
Looking forwards, I do not know what my blog will become or how it will evolve. It is still a small blog. I have never got the hang of promotion and getting followers. The lack of people finding it through search engines is testament to the fact that I haven’t spent time working on that. My blog views are modest, but I value each person who does pop in here. The comments have been amazing and often leave me feeling very humble and sometimes damn hot. I guess after three years of popping posts up, I really should learn the rest of the things that make blogs work. I will, but my first priority is always that HappyComeLucky is a place to be me.
THe prompt for Wicked Wednesday is Sexy Milestones. After you leave me a comment, pop over and see what else people have to share.
I love that you have a place where you can be you, and I wish you many happy years of blogging to come.
This is exactly a thing with me too: ‘Bizarrely, I have no qualms about being naked in front of people, there is just something much more challenging and uncompromising about the pictures than the experience.’
Happy blogaversary, honey 🙂
Rebel xox
Thank you! Xxx
Happy blogging birthday! I love your writing, Honey. Your honesty, perspective and bravery often give me a nudge to push my own boundarie. You are amazing and wonderful (and so many other lovely things there are no words). Xxx
You know those feelings are mutual! Xxx
Happy blogaversary to you lovely lady… You do know you are a writer right? 😉
As for the taking pictures and being nude in front of someone. I can totally relate to that, despite all the self portraits I take it can still be very challenging to me to myself in them but I don’t feel that way taking my clothes off in person. Its an odd juxtaposition.
Mollyxxx
Hmm… I guess I do write although I have not written any fiction this year. Thank you, lovely.
Wonderful. And I’m glad you have this place for you because if you didn’t we wouldn’t ever have become friends, despite only being 2 miles down the road. Xxx
Happy blogiversary! I’m glad you’ve found a space to be you, I have the same problems with lack of views or searches but I write for me and if anybody else likes what I have to say then that’s a bonus!