Tightly Held Assumption

One of the joys of my life, my experiences and the fact that I look at my life with a reflective mind is that sometimes I suddenly stumble upon, or get smacked in the face by an assumption that I have unknowingly internalised. At least it is a joy to me. It can be unsettling but it also has the excitement of a new discovery and challenges me to search out other assumptions as well as opening the door to a whole new vista.

One of these internalised assumptions was about my cunt and possibly, if you own one, your cunt too.

I have a wonderful relationship with my cunt. I think it is wonderful. The sensations that I get from it are orgasmic. I adore penetration. The feeling of fingers, cock, toy or fist inside me always transports me to a higher plane of pleasure. My most intense orgasms come when my cunt is filled and by intense, I do mean strong enough to involve my whole body.

I don’t take any of that for granted. I know that, in part, the pleasure I get from penetration is directly linked to the strength of my kegel muscles. I exercise those muscles a lot. I exercise them both on my own, using just my body and also by wearing kegel balls for the day when it is the right sort of day. I have been blessed with strong muscles but ever since my six week check after my firstborn, I have taken those exercises seriously – another reason to be grateful to that doctor. Mind you, strong muscles aren’t totally risk free. My man did get hit in the head by a flying dildo which wasn’t being held when I orgasmed.

So, what was the assumption that I had internalised? It was that time, pregnancy, childbirth and probably other aspects of life have taken their toll. I don’t know how much I had thought about it, but I definitely assumed that my cunt was no longer tight, but that was OK because, to put it bluntly, I could squeeze at need.

When I talk to partners about pleasure, it has always been about what each of us does, or would like the other to do that gives pleasure. I haven’t, and wouldn’t ask someone to comment on a body part, rather than an action, technique or response. As a result, I hadn’t verbalised my thoughts or found out their experiences. Therefore, this assumption had just surreptitiously taken root in my mind and had grown a little every time there was an article, advert or joke about these perils of aging.

With all of that strengthening my assumptions, I was stopped in my tracks recently when my man growled about my tight and persistent cunt. The persistent didn’t surprise me because once my muscles start to spasm with arousal, the waves of sensation and reaction tend to roll from one to another. I was surprised by tight. It was something I never expected to hear about me. He was surprised by my reaction to his words when we talked later. It appears that there are issues with perception of how we measure up in both sides of the gender divide. 

If someone had asked me whether I worry about how my cunt measures up, I would have truthfully said no. The no would be because it wasn’t a worry. It wasn’t even as much as an active perception. It was just an unquestioned assumption that had insidiously grown over time. 

I don’t know how I feel about my new found knowledge. I have never aspired to having or lamented the assumed loss of a tight cunt. I have been fascinated how a range of both subliminal and explicit messages became part of my thoughts without my questioning it. Maybe, just as some men have untested perceptions of how their cock would compare to others, some of us women have absorbed messages about our bodies. This assumption of mine wasn’t one that photos, looking in the mirror or being more body confident could challenge. It wasn’t something that exploration or experimentation would expose. This myth was busted by a spontaneous comment which adds to the constantly growing proof that talking is good.

Sliding my finger inbetween the folds. Thank you to @19syllables for this wonderful vulva.

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PS. I still don’t care whether I am ‘tight’ compared to others. I just love the pleasure that I, and those I share my body with, get from my cunt.

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  1. Great post. Should I admit that I laughed about your man being hit by a flying dildo?!!

  2. As I read your post I already started thinking about my own cunt, and whether I have ever thought about it as being tight, or not tight… my cunt brings me and others lots of pleasure and I guess I am concentrating on the pleasure more than anything else.

    And… a flying dildo? That made me grin!

    Rebel xox

  3. The flying dildo sounds like the name of a circus troupe.

    This post has made me think about my own cunt. Like you it is a part of my body that I really like and I know brings me and him great pleasure. The whole ‘tight’ thing is so often associated with virginity/chastity and that too much sex makes you loose which is in fact bullshit because the more you exercise those muscles will, the fitter they are. I read somewhere a while ago that women who orgasm regularly tend to have better kegal muscle control… so I have decided that the more orgasms I have the better 😉


  4. This is brilliant. <3

    How pleasure is derived between partners is often person-specific, I think. So preferences are going to vary (obviously), just as they do for everything related to sex.

    Ruminating on your topic… I don't think tightness is a factor for all, but I know full well it is important to some (on both sides of the penetration equation). I've never had to question my own, and while for most it was a positive, there were some for whom it was a challenge.

    Upon further reflection… I think of what/how my cunt is 'supposed to' be. Wetness/readiness is the first thing that comes to mind. The idea that I'm supposed to be ready to jump his bones based on… I dunno, exactly. My own desire? A single kiss? Some other ridiculous notion? But just as tightness was your preconceived ideal, I think wetness is mine.

    I think I also have preconceived notions about aesthetics. Like, what exactly constitutes a "pretty" pussy? Of course, intellectually, I know that every woman is different and that beauty is a vast and varied thing, blah, blah. But is there some part of me that believes there is a 'definition' of beauty for that part of my anatomy? (Rather like the media 'standard' of feminine beauty.) And if so, do I buy into it?

    Definitely food for thought.

  5. My man wanted to know why I was laughing so hard and I read him the flying dildo line and he just laughed when I told him he’d better hold on from now on. Hooray for kegels! Excellent and introspective post. now I have some thinking to do.

  6. wonderful post and I must admit I do have times I feel a twinge of jealousy that women can experience that filling and being taken.
    Interesting thoughts on how something that is unsaid and assumed can also cause a personal bent in thinking something is just not measuring to what we think it should be when it fact it is.

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