When Jade asked me to contribute to Kink of the Week and to share my thoughts and experience of orgasm control, I decided to write this post. At the time of her comment, I was still in my most recent period of orgasm control. I am very happy to share because right then, I was loving it.
As part of our relationship, my man uses orgasm control, forced orgasm and orgasm on demand. They all affect me in different ways. First of all, I am very lucky that I orgasm easily. A combination of being very in tune with my body and the fact that many different forms of stimulation bring me quickly to the edge. It is very rare for me to find it difficult to orgasm. When my man puts me under control, I love it as it makes me feel his Mastery of me very deeply.
The phrase, “For His Pleasure,” sums up so much of my kink. I struggle to ask for things for myself. The thrill that I feel when I am pushing myself and struggling to follow his instructions is absolutely intoxicating to me. Orgasm control is a challenge for me. The sessions of edging and stopping just in time leave my body and soul pulsing with energy. My mind including my fantasies become more and more purely focussed on him. My desires and needs become edgier and I become braver about sharing them. I also feel closer to my man, which is so important as there are too many miles between us.
There is a side effect of orgasm control that my man seems to take delight in. As the days turn into weeks, I become more needy and have to put more energy into keeping my balance right and not breaking the rules. The additional focus needed seems to break the filter between what I think and what I say. The number of times that I gasp, “I didn’t say that out loud, did I?” start to rack up. My impetuous and cheeky nature frequently tumbles from my mouth and will leave me in the situation of begging to be allowed the gag. A desperate request that he loves to refuse.
Our orgasm control does not always end when we are together. On my most recent visit, it extended well into the visit. The first time that my man had spoken of continuing the denial when we were together, I had been horrified. I was wide-eyed with shock. Much to my own annoyance, the more that I thought about that, the more I felt a buzz of intrigue that built into a fantasy and a need. I was scared that the reality of this would just make me angry and resentful. I found out exactly how I responded when I wasn’t permitted an orgasm until the last day of my visit. I am amazed that I made it through. We played hard during the visit. He pushed my body and mind with intense stimulation that made me desperate to come. I was beginning to float and that is when I find it harder not to just follow my bodies impulses. His voice kept me focussed and through the words that he said, instead of releasing all of the pent up energy in an orgasm, I held it and, in the same way that when I settle into a beautiful spanking, the energy spread through me and took me higher floating in subspace. When he fucked me, I found the place where I could tighten my muscles around him without snatching an orgasm for myself. The contented and even smug glow that I felt afterwards of knowing that it had been about his pleasure was clear in the huge smile on my face.
Right now, this week, I am very glad to be able to play and orgasm whenever I want to. I was very grateful for the orgasms that he gave me on the last day. The joy at hearing his instruction to come rushed through me. The last three weeks were intense. Beautiful and intense. I am enjoying being able to play. I still do a quick little pause at the edge before I let the wave of orgasm free. I am greedy for orgasms and will indulge more than once a day, enjoying each and every one. I do also know that it won’t be long before I am hoping to hear those words putting me back under his control.