I am a very obedient sub. I do everything that I can to obey his wishes. Even when he leaves me loopholes in his instructions I don’t exploit them. I think that it amuses him to know that I will be stricter with myself than I need to be.
There have been several times when he has denied me full access to my body. The first time that I remember was part of cementing the dynamics of our relationship. His denial of permission to touch the places that I always did taught me to value and care for all of me. Before that week, I knew that I was a very sexual person but that week made me realise how much more I need sensual comfort. He returned access to my body, one area at a time. I can honestly say that a huge part of my body confidence and contentment comes from that experience.
Since then the majority of times that he has denied me full access to my body it has been in preparation for spending time together. Obeying is hard. I touch and play a lot and giving that up part of my daily delight makes sure that I am aware of his control from my first waking moment to my last thought as I drift into sleep. It makes it feel as if my skin is hypersensitive, responding to every sensation. The fact that he bans me from touch rather than just climaxing makes it much more all encompassing.
The sexual tension, need and lust builds as I get closer to seeing him. I struggle with finding other ways to unwind after stressful days. Luckily for me, he is very vigilant over my moods. By the time that I see him, I am on a hair trigger and have an intense response to every stimulation that he gives me whether physical or mental. It strips me bare and leaves me as the carnal, desperate slut at my core. Of course it is only with deep trust that I can give up all the veneers that normally hide and suppress that core.
This week I have had a whole new experience. This time the control and denial continued after our time together. The days where I am normally enjoying feeling the after effects on my body were changed. No pressing against bruised, tender flesh. No coming with muscles screaming from the ache of so many orgasms with him. No cheeky twists of my nipples just because. No physical comforting of myself when I miss him so much.
I have to admit that I just hoped that he had forgotten to remove the controls. I checked – he hadn’t forgotten. I didn’t dare ask how long it would be. I was very unsettled and struggled with the controls this week much more than the week before. I went through a more varied range of deep emotions. I obeyed completely but part of me turned in on myself. I got angry at myself for being such a carnal needy animal that I can’t go without touching myself for a few days. I despised myself for not being able to just think my way past the need. I got scared that I didn’t know how long it would be before I broke. I often wake up with my hand pressed against my clit and I feared that if that happened, I would not pull my hand away. My biggest anxiety that I would disappoint him.
I need touch more than I need orgasms. I can balance that need and obey the controls for a while but the indefinite nature of this week’s controls made it harder, deeper and made me give more. His control over me makes me feel thoroughly owned and wanted. Snarling and struggling but not breaking strengthens that bond. Do I like being under his control? Yes. Am I glad that it is over? Oh, yes!
