HappyComeLucky

Everyone has their own strength and their own way of coping with all the challenges of life. I like to believe that I am strong and I can find that extra little reserve of strength when I need it for myself or for someone else.

I’m not invincible but over the many years of my life, I have learnt when to curl up and when to keep going. I am strong and emotionally intelligent. All of that makes times like now feel worse.

I am shattered. I am like a glass that has  broken but the shards are suspended in the air and haven’t hit the floor yet. When they do, I can start the clean up and the repair job, but until then, I am frozen in crisis.

I hate that it was a small thing that had such a dramatic impact on me. It was just bad luck that meant that my plans were ruined by Mother Nature so why am I so completely destroyed? The answer is in the Mother Nature part of that equation. My hormones rip through my psyche and my body. Some months it is just horrible and then other months it makes me fear for who I am.

In addition to feeling emotionally shattered and being in tears, I am angry, hurt, frustrated and scared. If this is what hormones can do to me, what does that say about me? Am I ever ok? Do I just kid myself more effectively the rest of the time?

I know that I will be ok and that this will pass. I will probably regret writing this once I am healing, but I am going to share this because I know that I am not the only person who struggles with the destructive force of their hormone cycle.

In a day or two, the exploded shards of me will hit the ground and then I can get the sticky tape of self-care, logic and the glue of compassion and put myself back together.

Until then, I will be curled in the corner – it makes it easier to find the pieces when they fall.