HappyComeLucky

This post is about the ups and downs and ins and outs of having a high sex drive. Drive often doesn’t feel like the right word to me. Maybe voracious sexual appetite would be better – but that might sound a bit intimidating so I probably shouldn’t use that.

I am an incredibly lucky person. I love sex. I don’t just find it enjoyable, I love it. I haven’t found anything else that I enjoy in the same way. When I used to exercise a lot, I got an almost drunken high from a three hour Zumba session, but that still wasn’t as good as I feel during and after sex.

My good fortune in regards to sex is not just limited to how much I enjoy it. I am also able to orgasm very easily, repeatedly and from lots of different types of stimulation. This can lead not only to wonderful and exhausting sessions where my body almost forgets how to stop orgasming, it also means that the door is open for lots of fun with denial and orgasm control. I can’t imagine that I would like those nearly as much if I struggled to come.

Clearly these are some of the pros of having my type of drive. Add onto that the fact that I am easily aroused and should probably have a warning sign for how wet I get and it feels as though my body is perfectly developed for enjoying sex as often as possible.

One of the downsides is that it isn’t only that it isn’t just that I can enjoy a lot of sex. I crave sex. I am definitely at my happiest when I can have sex regularly. It isn’t just the physical experience. Having sex keeps me emotionally happy and it also keeps my depression at bay. A daily dose would be very therapeutic. When I don’t have sex, my need grows quickly and it does become a craving. I can become cranky and negative. I also get more extreme in both my fantasies and the type of sex I want. My desires become more physical, more urgent and more primal.

I struggle with this. I love my sexual self but it absolutely annoys me that not having sex can affect me both physically and emotionally. I am someone who gets on with things and I don’t like not being able to pack those feelings and desires away until a more convenient time. Of course, I don’t let it get in the way of life but it does pull hard at me.

In a past relationship, having such a sex drive ended up being a problem over the two decades. In many ways, it seemed ok for a while. The fact that it was rare that I didn’t want sex meant that we didn’t have to worry about whether we could match up the times that we both wanted it. I still believe that having mismatched drives could have worked. Unfortunately, being ‘always up for it’ did lead to problems. I wasn’t allowed to initiate things in case he wasn’t in the mood. He knew that I would be grateful for the attention when things did happen, so he never bothered with seduction or any significant foreplay. We talked about the problems but things got worse. By the time I moved on to new sexual relationships, I was honestly shocked and incredulous that anyone would want me and that they would go out of their way to make an effort to seduce me.

So, now I am very happy. I am having the best sex of my life. I am in touch with my body and I know how to have fun. The sex that I have with my man is deeply satisfying and for the first time in my life, I have found out that sharing a deep and loving connection does add an extra layer to sex. Now, if only we weren’t in a long distance relationship and I could get my hands, and other parts, on him enough.

I like sex, and for me it has always been something that since my teens, I have had control of who I have sex with. I enjoy sex with different people and as long as I feel a connection with them, I can enjoy no strings attached sex. This doesn’t take away from the fact that sex with my man has a whole layer of extra.

At the moment, I am trying to balance my appetite, the distance between us and our slightly different needs. I would enjoy having occasional sex with a friend with benefits or two. I know that doing that does not take anything away from my relationship. I would always choose my man over any other and those others would be recreation not deep connection. Life isn’t that simple though and I can’t deliberately choose my own pleasure knowing that it makes my man feel uncomfortable and runs the risk of hurting him. I can’t do that to him.

So, I love having my voracious sexual appetite and I love sex. Right now though, I wish there was a way to put it on pause to make me feel less conflicted about my desires.