HappyComeLucky

You might be shocked to know that I am a flirt. I was going to write that I am sometimes called a flirt but that would imply that it was more accidental or coincidental. When I nudged Twitter for some inspiration for writing, Mike suggested writing about the assumed confidence of a flirt. As soon as I read his suggestion, my mind started exploring the thought. Well, as soon as I stopped wiggling my ass for the assumed confidence.

Like many people, I am more than a bit of a conundrum. I can appear confident, fearless and very social. This belies the me on the inside who is shy and unsure. I am not very good at blowing my own trumpet and talking about my strengths and successes although I am very good at doing another type of blowing.

I do have two types of irrepressible confidence. One of those is absolute confidence in the moment during sensual or sexual play. I never stop to think whether I look good, jiggle the right amount or anything like that. I am completely non-judgemental of both myself and anyone else involved. I feed on the feelings, urges and responses of myself and them. I think I am quite primal in this.

The other type of irrepressible confidence is my inner flirt. Inner flirt might not be the best term as my flirt is very much out there, sashaying her hips and fluttering her eyelashes. Online flirting comes naturally. The cheeky character of my flirt dances across my keyboard, full of innuendo and occasional outright naughtiness. I love the interactions. Finding mutual flirts is fun. For me, it is a joyful interaction with a twinkle in my eye. I think that is where the confidence comes from. There are many times in my life that I do not overflow with confidence, but my inner flirt bypasses all of that. For me, it is connected to the joy and the twinkle in my eye. If I think about it, I have never felt shy and joyful at the same time. When I have seen other people being joyful, they never appear timid or anxious. Joyfulness is one of those energising feelings that can override others concerns.

Flirting is like a dance. I would describe it as a cheeky tango. Flirting without a response is unfulfilling and very unlikely to continue. When the flirtation is accepted, the dance can begin. Just as with a tango, each person projects an aura which amplifies their confidence.

Real life flirting, of course, has all the pros and cons of the recipient being able to see you in all your glory. If online flirting ignores whether you are having a bad hair day, a slipper socks and tracksuit day, or a not enough coffee to make me look human day, real life flirting should show up all of those issues. Except it doesn’t. Of course, what you look like, what you are wearing etc is noticeable but flirting transcends that. Once again, I come back to the confidence of a flirt. The fluttered eyelashes or the leading comment are heard and seen in a communication that is about connection, possibility and innuendo. They seem to skip past the areas of critical analysis, carried forward by that confidence. The magical thing is that it doesn’t matter whether the confidence is real or an illusion, it works either way.

One thing that is true for me, but I do not know how true it is for others, is that flirtation has nothing to do with seduction. Even though I am no youngster, I have never worked out how to seduce someone. If you suggested that I could be seductive, I would probably need oxygen to help me recover from falling around on the floor, laughing until I couldn’t breathe. To me, seduction needs a whole different type of confidence and I wouldn’t know where to start.

This brings me back to the beginning of my post. There is definitely an assumed confidence of a flirt. In the same way as I will pull on a sexy pair of stockings, I will assume my confidence. When I am flirting, I am sure that most people assume that I am confident. If you flirt back with me, I will assume that you feel a confidence and it will boost mine.

Now it must be time to flutter my eyelashes to get a nice table while I wait for my man.