Life has its ups and downs and they can sometimes have quite an effect. I have been lucky throughout the majority of my life that my libido has been undentable.I am very lucky that I have two distinct aspects to my libido. I have a high and active sex drive. As well as enjoying sex with others, I masturbate a lot. I always have. In addition to all the times that I masturbate for pleasure, I also have a non-sexual masturbation habit. I have masturbated to sleep almost every night since I was a toddler. Even after I had started having sex, I didn’t make the connection between the way I would grind until I got a rush of feeling that then left me feeling content and relaxed for sleep. Once I made the connection, my sex life got so much more exciting. I knew all the signs and how to chase the sensations to orgasm. My body already had the muscle memory and the world of pleasurable sensations was open to me,
So, why am I writing about this today? Recently there has been so much happening in my life that my sex drive has gone AWOL and for the first time ever, I have lost my bedtime wank routine. It might sound shallow, but that worried me. Even when I have had a low lust level, I have still habitually masturbated.
Two things have happened to stop me worrying so much about this. The first was reading this post by Malin James. Malin gave me a very timely reminder of how powerful and pervasive muscle memory can be. Reading that reignited my confidence in my body and that there would always be a way to get back in the habit when my mind is ready. The second was my man, knowing that I was worrying about this, stepping in and taking control. He has banned me from touching myself for stimulation. This stops me from worrying about whether I should be getting back in the habit. Of course, like most pleasurable things, as soon as I was told that I wasn’t allowed it, my desire for it was back with a passion.
Which brings me back to muscle memory. One of the absolutely awesome things about a strong muscle memory is that sometimes mental stimulation is enough to trigger the full muscle response. So, even when I am being utterly obedient and I am even fully dressed, my thighs might be pressed that bit tighter together and my expression flushed while I ride that orgasm of pleasure.
you and Malin have heated me all up with muscle memory!!!
I don’t think it sounds remotely shallow, I would feel exactly the same in your position. My sex drive is an important part of me and I think if that changed I find that a really challenge and something I would want to find a solution too.
The bit about him banning you from doing it which immediately made you want to made me chuckle though…oh the power of forbidden fruit eh?
Mollyxxx
This reminds me of the (few) spontaneous nocturnal orgasms I’ve had, waking up after the first wave or two, surprised by the sensations. I also had spontaneous orgasms during my pregnancies, peaking at around 7 months, and they were quite awkward when they’d happen at work… but alas, though I have them daily, I normally have to work a bit for them. And sometimes a bit more.
Two words: lucky girl
So much of my own self identity is tied to my sexuality I can completely understand how changes effect so many other things.
I concur with Molly that it’s not shallow to allow your sexual self to be an important part of yourself. It *is* important. I would feel a little bit lost without my libido as well. I’m glad you’ve found a solution for now with your partner that works for you; indeed, being told not to do something is the surest way to spark the desire to to it!
They say you want what you can’t have……..that banning made me chuckle lol
Embracing your sexual nature is vital, don’t feel selfish x
I love this post so much. It is certainly not ‘shallow’ to be worried when a part of you which as been an absolute part of you for your whole life suddenly disappears = how wonderful that you have someone in your life that knows *exactly* what to do to help you get it back! x x x
What a brilliant post – there really is nothing shallow about prioritising your sexuality, it’s part of who you are. And muscle memory really is fantastic! Xxx
Sexuality is such an important part of us. Glad you are finding a ‘workaround’😊
Add me to the “it’s not at all shallow” pile. I’m a person who has always put high priority on his sexuality; it’s a large part of who I am and without it I worry about the effect that would be seen on the rest of my life. Kudos to your man for helping you get through this.
I can relate to you when it comes to AWOL sex drive, and I have always been insatiable. I wish I had seen Malin’s post when things first started to go downhill.
Love this post. Also add me to the “not shallow” list. Sexuality is incredibly important and for a lot of us – it defines part of who we are.
It is not shallow at all. I was offered medication for a condition I have that could’ve reduced my sex drive, I wrestled with it for a long time but in the end I couldn’t take the risk.
That aside, sometimes we need to re-boot but often it takes the help of someone else to see what we really need and guide the way.