I am writing this post because of something that has been annoying me for quite a while. Now I know the internet is not always the best place for calm and twitter with its character limit can intensify things but I have been getting more and more annoyed by the level of knowledge shaming.
I am talking here about the shaming of people who use the term vagina to refer to a vulva. As someone skilled, experienced and utterly committed to education, I know that shaming people about the terminology that they use is never a good way to progress understanding.
Let’s rewind time back over twenty years. At that time children were rarely taught the names of body parts until they got to biology lessons at secondary school. I remember clearly when body part names were introduced to the primary curriculum. I also remember the cultural landscape that we were doing that in. To say that there were campaigns to stop it is an understatement. There was, and still is, a huge level of fear and hatred towards that subject. It was, and is, vital that young children have the vocabulary to go with their bodies.
More than that, one of the biggest impacts of educating children with body part names was that it gave them the language to report abuse. I promise you few things can break your heart as working with a child who tried to report abuse but their euphemism wasn’t recognised. Not only did the abuse continue for longer, but it also stopped the child telling again. The case that I am reflecting on was not unusual or rare. It was and is an absolute priority that the vocabulary used will trigger an understanding of what happened and the necessary safeguarding.
So, when I remember the landscape of twenty years ago when we started naming vagina to children, the majority of adults were surprised. At that time vulva was so rarely used that most people didn’t recognise it as a term. That is changing over time but let’s help it change in a supportive way instead of by shaming. Let’s use vulva positively rather than shaming or mocking those that use the term vagina. After all, a lot of people call an abdominal pain a stomach ache. We don’t shame them for that. The overzealous correction of the term feels like snobbery and can be patronising. I don’t want people to be excluded from conversations by that sort of response to their vocabulary.
Let’s continue to move forwards with body and sex positivity by setting good examples ourselves and that includes being caring and inclusive with use of vocabulary as well as other things.
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You know what I absolutely could not agree with you more. I will happily say that the incorrect use of vagina for vulva is a pet hate of mine. It really grates on me but I completely agree with you that we should be creating a culture where people feel about to talk and learn. I am going to go back and read my post I wrote on this subject and if I feel my tone has done this, which is might have done, because I was irritated, then I change it.
I think when it comes to main stream media it is OK call them on their mistakes but I think on a individual level you are absolutely right that responding in a caring sensitive manner is the right thing to do!
Thank you for writing this
Mollyxxx
Absolutely. Mainstream media can be part of moving things forwards and making vocabulary understood.
Thank you for saying that you will go back to your post. I was acutely aware with posting this that people could take it as criticism. I wrote it because creating a culture where learning takes place is integral to who I am.
This is such a great post! Our language is surprisingly non-specific for lots of body parts (‘Doctor I have this tummy ache’ while pointing to their lower chest/heart being my favourite…!) but shaming won’t help anyone learn. Well said! Xxx
It was exactly that sort of example that really brings home the different ways we reference body parts. There is a difference in technical vocabulary and general language. Understanding the messages is what counts most. Xx
I couldn’t agree with you more on this post. No one should ever be shamed for anything! There are other ways to get people to learn, and even if they use it wrong after that, then it’s okay, as long as the message is clear.
Something else that can greatly irritate me is when the same people constantly make the same remarks (and not only about vagina/vulva, but other things too), in response to what others write or say, as if they have nothing else to say. Focusing on that, they frequently miss the message of a post or conversation…
Great post!
Rebel xox
So well stated, and thoroughly agreed. I don’t correct my lovers, won’t even rewrite their own words on my own blog, though I do show by example in my own words.
I had never thought about it like this. In fact I tweeted a joke that someone made about it at WOW just a couple of weeks ago. Thanks for helping me think differently.
Thank you so much for posting this – you raise some really interesting points, that I’d never considered in this context. Loads of food for thought, and thanks for pointing out the abuse thing which would never have occurred to me but is so important. Something about the vulva/vagina thing I’ve struggled with a bit, partly because I do tend to use them interchangeably and I don’t think it always denotes ignorance – like ‘literally’ doesn’t always denote that you mean something literally or are ignorant of the word literally. But then I’ve read lots of people talking about the difference in terms of education and so I’m trying to check what I use and when. And so, yeah, I’m 100% with you: education is important, but it’s also vital to make sure it’s not used (even accidentally) to silence people or make them afraid to discuss things like this in case they get the terminology wrong.
This is an excellent piece. As soon as I read it I gave a cheer. I get that there are correct anatomical names for body parts. I also know what I was taught back in the day and it stuck. Vagina is, for me, a kind of generic term for female sexual anatomy. Language evolves, and sometimes through incorrect use. I think this is one of those words. I think it’s great if schools teach our children the correct terms. So that they can report abuse, but also so that they can communicate effectively with medical health professionals. But for me the Great Wall of Vagina is what it is. A wall of fannies.
I am the mom to two daughters. From the age they first started labeling body parts, they knew it’s called a vulva. Ms 7 knows the vagina is part of the vulva. Ms 4 is still working on understanding that there are different parts of a vulva.
I agree 100% with this. I hate the misuse of vagina and vulva but shaming people for the use gets you nowhere, I much prefer to take an educational approach. I had a hilarious afternoon in the work boardroom one day teaching a group of burly guys what the difference is, with the use of diagrams. At no point did anyone feel shame but hopefully they know what’s what from now on and subsequently they now often approach me for advice!
I did however experience the other side to this on Twitter the other day, I mentioned that after I corrected my partner on his usage he now uses the term front bottom instead, he knows I hate it with a passion and does it to wind me up, he loves winding me up! Sadly one of the responses I got told me he was being ignorant *sigh.
Great post and very thought provoking.
Velvet x