HappyComeLucky

“Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.”

Neville Goddard

I’ve been pondering this quote for the last few days. In fact I have been overthinking it. I tied myself in thought knots about which parts I agree with and which I don’t. During those mind tussles, I suddenly had a moment of absolute clarity which I will share with you now.

This blog is called HappyComeLucky – the public side of a shy exhibitionist. When I started it, all those years ago, that strapline was perfect for me. I was shy. I had been very shy as a young child and had learnt to hide that. I had a fair few tricks to overcome the shyness and make it through.

The shy Honey wasn’t always recognised as shy because one of those tricks was to take a deep breath and fake confidence. It worked and I would enjoy myself. I would also disappear for a few minutes now and then to recharge before taking another deep breath and going for it again.

That’s changed now though. I honestly can’t say exactly when it happened but it’s been over the last year and a bit. Initially, I started to notice that I wasn’t getting the physical symptoms of nerves in my way to see people. Then I noticed that I wasn’t sitting back and feeling unsure about stepping forwards.

It wasn’t just in face to face meetings that is noticed the change. I started talking to people more online and developing better friendships. Friendships are always better when you are actively present rather than shyly censoring yourself and holding back.

The change from shy to where I am now feels as though it has been exponential. The first steps of progress were small and slow. Now it feels as though there are only good places left to go.

Now that I am no longer shy, it is more than being able to manage social occasions without feeling sick with nerves. It’s being wholly and authentically me. It’s asking people of they would like to meet. It’s saying yes to opportunities and suggestions. It’s telling people clearly what my poly status is and being honest and up front. It’s asking people for things or experiences and saying what I want. It’s even kicking the shame away from stopping me talking about some of my darker desires.

I am no longer shy Honey. I am bold and brazen as well as cute and adorable. I am confident and fearless and determined to make the best out of life.

I am the woman who has to fill up the car with petrol whilst she is wearing a catsuit and instead of trying to be invisible, strides across the forecourt as if she owns the world.

So, as I am not a shy exhibitionist anymore, I’m going to have to think of a whole new strapline. What could it be?