I’ve been quiet this week. It feels as though I have lost my voice. Not literally, but I have faded into feeling disconnected from the world. I look into Twitter, a place where I normally find community and it feels as if I am too distant to be able to engage. I have nothing worthwhile to say.
I know what has made this feeling of disconnection so strong. I have to suppress my fear and instincts for self protection every day to be able to go into work. It’s no longer a short term situation. It’s long term and it is harming me.
I’m getting by one day at a time. Although to be truthful, it’s more like one now at a time. It’s so long since I have felt safe that I can’t remember how it really feels. The person that I am when I thrive feels like a hazy shadow of a dream.
I don’t want to lose who I am. I am making myself hold on to that me and pull myself into the light.
That’s not enough though. It takes other people to help me put the colour back into life. With the help of lovers, partners and friends, I can still find the real me, ready to switch on the fun!
I understand this feeling, or at least my version of it. It’s a really weird time right now and I need that physical connection with people.
I rarely venture onto twitter because I don’t fit in at the moment, I see lots of sexy on there but I’m in self-protection mode which means I shut down and don’t reach out. And that’s where the vicious cycle starts.
(((Hugs)))
Yes I’m sure we are all … more than … ready to switch on the fun. And it looks like you are certainly well-equipped to hook straight-in when the first opportunity arises !!!
Xxx – K
Hugs to you my friend. I totally get the fear. I am too scared to even get to the shop but I also fully acknowledge that I am very privileged to be able to stay home. I have found doing yoga has helped me keep connected with my body. I look forward to things getting better over the coming months though.
Molly
A symbolic transition from darkness to color.
lovely images as they explain the moods i think we are all experiencing with this lockdown and the dark days of January.
May your days brighten as your last photo brighten my day and made me twitch in anticipation of that lovely toy being used
<3 x