I’m waiting for the new year to start but this waiting comes with a content warning for sadness.
I’m waiting but right now, I am waiting without hope. This year has emptied me of the ability to see a way forwards and to believe in a future. This year has been full of hurt and of being discarded.
This year has been endings with bereavement (my mother) and with people deciding that I am not where they want to spend their energy and so they have changed or ended relationships with me. I’m lucky that I still have a core relationship that is so important to me but I fear that I will damage that through how broken I feel.
I am lucky in friendships and without those and the two people in my core relationship, I don’t think that I will still be here.
So here we are, waiting for another year to begin and I am not making any resolutions because I can’t. People say good things about me as they say that there will be someone for me. I can’t believe that anymore because the evidence says otherwise.
I’m hurt and I wish I was as numb as I feel some days all of the time. I feel betrayed by life. For my whole adult life, I have made sensible choices and so many sacrifices. All that I have learnt is that having hope and belief is what leads me into hurting the most.
I want to say that hopefully things will get better and you should watch this space. However, with the number of people reading and commenting on blogs reducing all the time and the forthcoming legal changes, I don’t know if I can keep the resilience to keep this blog going. I honestly believe that if I stop, I won’t be missed.
So here I am, waiting to see whether it will be my demons or indifference that gets me next year.
I’m sure the new year will change things, bereavement is hard and can effect people in different ways.
Fingers crossed happiness is around the corner
Thanks for the content warning. But I can handle sadness. It goes with being giddy happy. We all need both. Especially those of us who can feel.
I’m pulling for you and wishing you peace and love in 2024.
Your message really touched my heart. It takes a lot of strength to open up about what you’re going through, especially when life feels overwhelming. I want you to know that your readers are here for you, and truly sorry for the hardships you’ve faced this year – the loss of your mother and the challenges in your relationships.
It’s okay not to feel hopeful right now. Sometimes life can make us feel like there’s no light ahead. But please remember, your feelings are valid. In our journey as human beings, we all face trials that can leave us feeling broken and lost.
What’s remarkable is the human connection we share. Despite our individual struggles, there’s a bond that ties us together. Your strength in sharing your feelings reflects the resilience and courage that connect us all. You’re not alone in this; we’re all navigating life’s difficulties in our own ways.
Your life experiences matter, and your regular readers do deeply care about you. You’re part of this intricate web of humanity, and your presence in this world and your creative titillating blog affects our lives for the better, makes a great difference to us, and we ourselves would be poorer for not being able to read it.
I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain right now. Life can truly suck sometimes. But at times like that it’s best to remember that life can also be marvelous. I, and I’m sure many others, feel a little jolt of happiness when we see you listed in our received email. Your beautiful pictures and words bring pleasure to all of us. Please find some happiness in that and do not disappear.
a few has said some of the thoughts i have had. So i shall wish for this upcoming year will be a surplus of good times and that those feelings you are experiecing now vanish into memories
Happy New Year
You most definitely would be missed … and I’m sure not just by us … because, even if I’ve not been able to leave my thoughts and comments as much as I’d wished to, I always log-in and scroll back through your images.
Your lovely photos always make me smile … and often gasp … with pleasure and delight.
I recently stopped blogging … for a variety of reasons … but am already missing it and trying to satisfy the regrets with occasional posts at X. But it’s not quite the same !!!
Sending big kisses and hope and joy that some fun and fulfillment will return for you in the coming months!!!
Xxx – K
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. I am just some random blogger across the world, but I would miss your blog. I don’t always comment, but I do read and view! ❤
I hear you. It’s been so tough and whilst I’m glad to see the back of 2023, this year hasn’t exactly got off to the best of starts either. Let’s hope it’s onwards and upwards for us both.
I might not call in here often these days, but I do see you on Mastodon and I would miss you if you were not here to click through to. Sorry last year was so horrible, we’ve all had those years and sometimes not a single year. Hoping things improve and that you continue to be part of our lives.