I can definitely have a moan about hormones. There are many jokes about women and hormones but the reality isn’t so much fun. Of course, hormones are really clever. we need them for our amazing and complex bodies to work. The trouble is that when the levels are out of whack, the effects can be horrid.
When I saw the prompt for this week, my mind immediately flew to the hormones that cause cruelly intense PMT for me. I started writing with the intention to focus on that but before I do, I have remembered something else.
Some hormone problems are dramatic and I think of those as the attention seeking extroverts. Others are the quiet ones. By quietly not being right, these hormones are stealthy in their effect. They are so stealthy and sneaky that sometimes I forget to take them into account. I am talking about the hormones needed for a healthy balanced thyroid. Mine is underactive and that is quite an insidious problem. It makes other issues, such as depression, more likely and also causes tiredness. The more I find out about the effects of a wobbly thyroid, the more I understand how very finely tuned we are. I have to be careful to keep my levels monitored and take the correct dosage or the problems start to build insidiously.
My thyroid is fairly predictable and changes happen gradually. I wish the same could be said for other hormones. Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that I get PMT. That little sentence sounds so innocuous. For a lot of people, and for a short period of my life, PMT is being snappy, impatient, cranky etc. Right now I would crawl across Lego if mine could be like that.
My PMT plays a particularly nasty game with me. I do get slightly less patient and tolerant, but those are things that I can keep control of – I have to, otherwise it would be unfair on my children. The part that I can’t keep control of, is what it does to me and my emotions. No matter how much I prepare for it, logic it out and try to avoid breaking down, the PMT wins nearly every month.
It would be easy to describe my PMT as some type of small demon. An evil little demon that starts off sneakily loosening all the pegs and fastenings that hold me together. My resilience drains away. Once that has happened, this demon releases a wave of desolation. I can be sitting working and unstoppable tears will flow down my face, unstoppable and inexplicable. Of course, being human, inexplicable doesn’t work very well and my brain then searches out every bit of evidence that can be manipulated into how I am a failure, how I am not good enough and how I am toxic to others. At its worst, I desperately struggle not to hurt myself.
There have been times that I have been scared that I won’t make it through. The emotional pain can be so great that I don’t want to be alive any more. I have to keep telling myself that it is a storm that does subside. That if I can make it to tomorrow, then life will begin again. It works. I make it. The tears stop and I cease tearing my soul apart.
I haven’t had much luck getting help for it. The Doctor I saw was very dismissive and described it as, ‘a bit of trouble with PMT’ and ‘have you tried some evening primrose oil?’ The least said about that the better.
I am hoping for an improvement. Last week, I had the Mirena coil fitted. One of the benefits is that it should even out my hormone levels and stop the extremes of PMT. I hope it does. The emotional and psychological recovery needed each month is exhausting me. I need the space to find out what is the real me, rather than the poisonous whisperings of the PMT devil. If this works, I will be raising a very heartfelt toast to the wonders of the Mirena coil.
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Thank you for writing this post, Honey. I think hormones get dismissed too easily, especially in connection to PMT. You’re absolutely right – human beings function properly because of a remarkable hormonal and chemical balance. Throw something off and it can have serious effects, and those effects should be respected as legitimate and real. I really hope the Mirena helps give you some much deserved relief. xxx
One of the things that I have struggled with is how much of a failure it makes me feel. I *know* that it isn’t the real me but the extreme nature of it is scary. I lodged an official complaint about the attitude of the Dr. I am lucky that I am stubborn enough to keep looking for an answer.
Your reflective pieces are always so good. I think you should bookmark this (and others like it) so you can revisit, reread and use them as a source of strength when you need to. It can be your own rational, reassuring and caring voice to fight the the demon one when it takes hold. Xx
That is a very good idea. Xx
I had the Mirena too, although for a different reason, and one of the things I found was that it did indeed help quell the PMT demon, enough anyway that it made it bearable. In time my cycle has more or less disappeared, and PMT and periods are but a shadow. I hope you find it helps you as it did me xx
I hope so too. I am glad it had benefits for you. Xx
Hormones can be a real bitch, even though we need them to function properly. But like you and Malin said, when it’s off, it can have some really bad effects. In a way I think I have been ‘lucky’ that my uterus was removed when I was about 25, since all problems I had with periods were gone then. But, the hormones remained…
I really hope the Mirena helps you.
Rebel xox
Hormones, they really can be bastards can’t they!
I too have had a Mirena fitting, in fact I found it helped with my mood swings and irregular periods so much I am now on my second one! The first one was removed a year or so early as the hormone had run out and my periods started to return, it would still have worked as a contraceptive device but because of my history they agreed it was worth changing early. My partner did notice the strings in the early days when they’re a little stiffer other than that I love it and I hope you have the same success 🙂
I have linked to your post in my piece because you inspired me to write. I think we are all too often taught shame about how female hormones have an effect on us. We are never taught to love and embrace them but that they are our weakness. I think that underlying narrative makes it even harder to deal with when they do go out of whack because we are always managing them from a position of shame
Mollyxxx
You are one of the strongest, kindest and most amazing people I have ever met. (And SEXY!)
Hugs to my Honey,
Oleander
xox
I hope the Mirena works for you. I’ve had mine for several months now and I do find that it helps. I still have some of the emotional swings, but my physical symptoms have greatly improved.
A wonderful piece. Thank you for writing it.
Thank you for writing this.
I hope you have good luck with the mirena and it helps you feel more balanced.
Big hugs. HGG. xx
I also have thyroid problems (I take an astonishing amount of whole thyroid every morning to keep it balanced), so I really appreciated you writing about this.
And I loved my Mirena when I had it (although I love my permanent Essure more). I hope it works well for you 🙂
xx Dee