Christmas has changed a lot for me over the last few years. It used to be the time that guaranteed lots of socialising, partying and the accompanying hangovers. Now, there is less of that. Friends are more spread around and I tend to catch up with them individually rather than big nights out. Home is different too. I used to host a big family Christmas but some have moved away and things change. This year it will be the kids, myself and the Ex again. One thing that has changed is that the person who I would most love to lean against while wishing him a Merry Christmas isn’t able to be with me. It is just one of those things.
Last year, I got very melancholic at this time of year. I was incredibly harsh on myself and was very sensitive about lots of things. When I get upset, I have a tendency to want to hide from the world. This year, when the insecurities started, I made a decision. I took some of the things I learnt getting my coaching certificate and have tried to turn them into positives and goals. If it bothers me that something hasn’t happened, then I need to decide whether to work towards making it happen rather than just being upset it hasn’t happened.
I haven’t decided on all my goals for next year yet, but some of them are related to this blog. Up to now, I have talked myself out of lots of posts for a huge variety of reasons. One reason is a lack of feeling properly a part of the blogging community. This isn’t intended to be a dig at anyone – it is just how I feel. I recognise it as a vicious cycle. The more I hold back, the less chance there is that I will be a part of it.
So, one of my goals is to share more of me, my thoughts, my experiences and my knowledge on my blog and not worry about it. I will harness some of my professional confidence and go for it.
Christmas is a time of year that feels as if there are many rules as to how people should feel. My Christmas wish is for everyone to look after themselves carefully and to treat both themselves and others with compassion and care. I wish you all a Happy Christmas and a healthy dose of whatever brings you good cheer.
I love that you are trying to change negative things into positive goals for the future. It takes a strong person to do that, and in my eyes you are that: strong.
Also, I love the idea of you sharing more of yourself on your blog, of being here more. To me you are very much part of the blogging community, but I understand why you feel you’re not. Come on, don’t talk yourself out of those posts anymore, but share with us. I can’t wait to read it 🙂
Rebel xox
Self reflection can be a hard thing to do. Congratulations on being able to pull yourself up and be determined to change the things that are worth changing. That is not to mean that feelings of melancholy are bad or shameful, just that your resolve is something to be proud of as well.
From our house to yours, love, joy, security, and friends you hold dear. Merry Christmas.
Your last paragraph: absolutely agree with this so very much!
xx Dee
Oh, I know what you mean about talking yourself out of posts. That inner voice can be relentless: “oh, this won’t be good enough” or “no one will want to read this” or even “someone else has already written on this topic so much better.” But, it will be good enough! People will want to read it! And that other person’s post was *their* view; your view will be just that, your own. I look forward to seeing more.
Turning being upset that something hasn’t happened into working to make it happen is a real skill, one that so many of us don’t work at hard enough. I love the ultimately positive message you have here.
Thank you for sharing. *hugs*