HappyComeLucky

I am not full of confidence, certainly not that confidence that other people seem to have. I am very hard on myself and am prone to harsh realism rather than kind thoughts about myself, but I do have an amazing fortitude, self reliance and a belief that I can make things work.

Why am I telling you this? I am telling you this because I am thinking about how the woman who knew people liked her but never really thought anyone liked looking at her has ended up with a blog that is now THREE YEARS OLD! Especially a blog which has a Sinful Sunday image for every week since I started it.

Three years ago, I posted this image.

I still adore this image. I sometimes look at it and think about the myriad of layers of meaning that I can ascribe to that picture. More than anything, today, I am thinking about how having a blog has given me my own space where nobody else controls what I say. Fitting in with all the other aspects of my life had often meant that I held my tongue about who I was, what I think and what I need. I still don’t share everything on here, but I am in control of those decisions.

It will be no surprise that as part of reflecting on three years of blogging, I have been thinking about images of me and my own self image. I find it fascinating that at times when I do not like what I see when I look at my whole body, there are a;ways views that I can see the beauty in. The camera is a wonderful tool for finding and seeing those parts of me. I know that I have a long way to go before I will get to a point that I find pictures of all of me a pleasure to see. Bizarrely, I have no qualms about being naked in front of people, there is just something much more challenging and uncompromising about the pictures than the experience.

One of the posts that I keep coming back to about body image is Is it hate? Am I a fraud? I am still very aware of the contradiction between my confidence and my response to my body. I am working on, and hoping to get to a time where I believe my body is beautiful to me instead of believing people like me despite those parts of my body. I am not likely to go around asking people to tell me what they think of my body. So, until I do find a way, I will definitely carry on using photography to remind myself that there are a whole lot of good parts and even parts that I dislike can look amazing sometimes.

Looking forwards, I do not know what my blog will become or how it will evolve. It is still a small blog. I have never got the hang of promotion and getting followers. The lack of people finding it through search engines is testament to the fact that I haven’t spent time working on that. My blog views are modest, but I value each person who does pop in here. The comments have been amazing and often leave me feeling very humble and sometimes damn hot. I guess after three years of popping posts up, I really should learn the rest of the things that make blogs work. I will, but my first priority is always that HappyComeLucky is a place to be me.

THe prompt for Wicked Wednesday is Sexy Milestones. After you leave me a comment, pop over and see what else people have to share.