HappyComeLucky

I am a weird contradiction at times. I am both laid back and driven. Just thinking about writing some experience goals has made me look at myself and reflect on which ones I will drive forwards on and which ones I will be more passive. A lot depends on who else will be impacted by my choices and whether that will be a challenge.

To make this OK for me, this isn’t a list for just 2019. I think making it for a year sets me up for frustration. Of course, I would be so happy if it does happen but I am also realistic about how tiny the amount of time that I have for me is and how much seeking some of this would need.

So… here we go.

I want to try a vacbed again and to be stimulated and overwhelmed with sensations whilst in it. I have always been terrified of the claustrophobia of them and yet, last year, I jumped into one and I still struggle to find the words for how it felt. I am so glad that I feel the fear and do things anyway.

I want to be naked and sharing physical pleasure with more than one other person at a time. I haven’t just listed this as MMF, MFM, FFM, FMF, MFMF, MMFF, FMMF or any other combination because there are many different scenarios that I would love and many different options and intentions.

I want to be topped by two people at the same time. Just the idea of this makes me turn into a puddle. It ignites so many responses in me. There is no hiding place with the gaze and intentions of two tops. The possibilities make me tremble. The options for multi-tasking or multi-using are intoxicating. The feeling of being totally exposed to them makes me squirm. I can’t help but think that having two sadists encouraging each other will be terrifyingly hot and I might finally regret the challenging things that I tend to say.

I want to stop being passive in my bisexuality. There are many reasons why I have not been proactive about it but I want to change that. I know I will really have to put my big girl’s knickers on to grab enough confidence to do this.

I want to be beaten and ‘tortured’ in a dungeon. The opportunities for restraint and positioning on designed furniture pushes my buttons. The option to be somewhere where keeping the noise down is also very exciting.

I want to be tied in rope. The more I think about and find out about dynamic rope scenes, the more I want to experience it.

I want to continue to explore opening our relationship on both sides. I want him to be able to explore what he wants with other people and I want to do that too. I want to do that with communication, love and trust.

I want to have my picture taken by other people. I started plans for that a long time ago but they fell by the wayside and @exposing40 is the only person to have done it. I’m scared of disappointing the photographer with others do I haven’t pushed this one before.

I have exhibitionist goals too. They may need another post to explore though because they are a complicated mix of emotions – especially ones where I am on show to others, making me vulnerable.

I want more sex. I have always known that I am at my happiest and calmest when I have enough sex. Life has made having sex sparse over the last year or more and I am not OK when that happens. I have tried to not need it but I become frayed and undone without it. I can only change some parts of me and this is one that has not responded to my best efforts.

I want to achieve some of my desires. I put the needs of others first all of the time and that doesn’t not make things happen for me. I’ve started being more proactive and not only did the world not stop turning but it went really well. Time to do more. I’m scared currently. I also have to face going to the doctor about ongoing health things that scare me. I am scared that, if my fears are true, that my body may not let me do all these things in the future. I don’t normally like to write lists of things I want to do but this time, I want to seize the ideas and opportunities while I can. I don’t want to risk getting to when I can’t and being bitter with regret.

If these hopes, dreams and lustful desires do become reality, I’m going to be a ridiculously happy Honey.