HappyComeLucky

Orgasm control. Orgasm denial. Forced orgasms.

I have a thing for control and all of these come under that umbrella. I’ve been pondering about why it works for me and wondering how far I would go with it.

I found out that orgasm control works for me in a long term, long distance D/s relationship. That relationship is over and now that I am single, it’s a good time to work out what works for me. To know what kinks I want more of and why. And also to know what is very dependent on the energy I feel from the other person.

I’m excited about being single. I have been in a relationships since I was 17. One that quickly led to a long marriage and then the relationship that I mentioned earlier.

In my marriage, I took my orgasms. I’m lucky, I can orgasm from penetration and I led the ‘action’ enough to get what I needed to get off. Plus, being fucked is more important to me than having an orgasm. I can give myself an orgasm when I want. I need someone else for that feeling of two bodies together.

In my D/s relationship, there was control, denial and orgasm by command. Even when the D/s slipped away, I always asked for/needed permission to come when we were together. It’s almost more than a habit now. My default is to crave permission or an order to come. It might be different with different people. I know that there are some that don’t trigger those submissive feelings, but when they are there, I really need that control and permission.

Someone asked me what my thoughts are about chastity. My instant response is, “No thanks.” I am an independent, stubborn woman. Sex is so important to me. Why would I risk missing out on any of the possibilities. That is just ridiculous.

Except… I would. I do. Not serious levels of chastity but I do get off on handing over control and being dependent on someone else’s whims as to whether I orgasm, or edge, or even touch. I hate/love the frustration of asking for permission and being told no. I love the huge buzz of the challenge of having an orgasm when ordered too, even when it’s inconvenient. I grin ridiculously when teased about whether I will or won’t be allowed to orgasm. I hate/love the needy mess that it makes of me. Being that vulnerable is intoxicating. Being so seen by someone that they exert that control is thrilling.

Maybe that’s part of the draw.

Orgasm control works for my mind. It feeds my need to please, to be obedient and my submission. It’s more than that though. When someone controls my orgasms, there is a connection. I am vulnerable. They see me and recognise me as a sexual person and they value that. There is an edge of fear too. What if they don’t let me touch or orgasm when I really need to? What if they find my desperate need and my greed off-putting? What if they get bored and just can’t be bothered? What if they always give in, or if they always say no? I need to not be able to predict their answer. And maybe what feels like when more of a risk: What if they realise that they can really push me and put me to the test of just how far they can push? Where would I stop? That’s both exciting and terrifying.

It’s that sort of thought that means that a question about chastity has really got me wondering. Would I? My quick response is, “no.” Have you seen those chastity devices. They aren’t exactly practical. Plus I have never seen one on anyone who isn’t slim. I can’t imagine it working on an apron-bellied chubster like me. I like that answer. It’s easy. It works. It’s about the practicalities. Question answered.

Except it isn’t.

What about devices that lock just my cunt using piercings. Just typing that triggers such a strong physical response that I have to explore why.

Again, it’s not practical. Who would hold the key? I’m not in a relationship and I have no plans to get into one. With rights come responsibilities and I don’t want anyone to feel the level of responsibility to me. Even if there was someone like that, I’m not going to be living with them and being locked feels dangerous if there is no physical proximity or opportunities for non-verbal reassurance of my value and the value of my handing the key to them. The reason it fascinates me is because it is a mind fuck and that makes me needy.

Another thing is that I have no intention of venturing back into monogamy. Being locked would not be helpful in that regard. I’ve felt quite pleased with how quickly I have been able to justify why it would not work for me. I explained this to a friend. Unfortunately that friend asked one more question. What if the people you fuck have a key?

Oooft. I almost don’t know what to write now. That’s ridiculous. I mean, having people who have keys to my cunt? Not having a key myself, and not having one person own it? That feels like a whole different idea of chastity. I want to bat it away. My logical, fierce and independent side of my brain wants to win. But, oh my goodness, the thought of it taps so thoroughly into my kink of being for someone else’s pleasure and for being used that this idea is fast becoming one of my go to fantasies. Just imagine me having to beg to be unlocked if I need to be. Imagine the dynamic of being the toy of the people with keys. Imagine all those extra layers of squirming when asking if they want to see me. Imagine me having to ask one of them to unlock me if I was seeing someone new. Imagine me knowing that they all know that there are other people with a key too and that I am such a submissive needy slut that I have my own cunt locked to me but not to them. That taps into my complicated relationship with my humiliation kink.

I don’t think I will ever do it but while I am thinking about it, I’ll be in my bunk, doing what I would have to ask for permission for if I handed over that control.