HappyComeLucky

End of the year and end of the decade. I have drafted this post several times and not been happy with it. Looking back on where I was a decade ago has led me to feeling some grief at the loss of what I thought my life was back then. Change had to happen and I would be in a horrible place now if it hadn’t happened but I still have grief at the loss and the fact that life didn’t work out the way I wanted no matter how much emotional work I devoted to it.

This year has been a year that makes me grin. It didn’t start out that way and there have been challenges. It started with me in a relationship that no longer worked and one that I should have been brave enough to finish earlier. My reflections on that are for another time.

When I ended that relationship, I was convinced that my sex life was about to become a barren landscape. I knew that I didn’t want to explore the world of dating apps.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. This year has been my best ever for exploring and expressing my sexuality and kinks. I have been very lucky to have different relationships with friends and lovers. One of the amazing things is the openness and cheer leading that I have had from all of them. I am tempted to say that I am spoilt but that links to the narrative that people only deserve certain amounts of things. So, instead, I am going to recognise that I have been very lucky. I have a play partner who is a lot of fun as well as a wonderful, thoughtful and caring friend and meets my need to have an inventive sadist in my life. He has also introduced me to rope and other delights and I am hoping will give me a beautiful caning soon.

I’ve tapped into my brazeness and have been tied and made into a whimpering mess in front of other people. I made myself bold and took myself to Kinkfest. I’ve talked more openly about my kinks and have stopped talking myself out of attending events.

I have friendships that have developed into friendships that include fucking in the most wonderful ways. Individuals and couples that I can have filthy, fantastic times with are definitely highlights that I didn’t expect and have supercharged my list of things I want to try and things that I want more of.

If all of that wasn’t enough, I love a very beautiful and wonderful man. We are always there for each other throughout the day. We have found our switch sides and our unique dynamic makes me growl.

Last year, and the beginning of this, I thought I would be definitely closing my blog. I was struggling in so many ways and my expression through blogging was definitely a casualty. This year has focussed on photographs as I have needed to recalibrate and find my new voice as the thoughtful, lustful, reflective, greedy and loving Honey that I now can be. I’m moving away from feeling shame for my appetites. In light of that, I am investing in refreshing my blog and once that is done, I intend to write more and share more here.

At the beginning of all these changes, my focus was on friendships first – friends that I could have fun with. I sometimes sit back and can’t believe how full of amazing friends my life now is. Both the ones mentioned here and others too. I may have had to grieve for the domestic life and relationship that I worked hard for and lost but, I have only joy at the amazing people in my life. There isn’t a day that I feel alone. My days start and end with messages from those I love and who I want and who want to be in my life.

I have no idea what the next decade will bring. I know I will still struggle through the challenges of mental health and the mental health of those who depend on me. I may have major professional change coming up and that scares me completely. But, whatever happens, I know I will have joy and love throughout it all.

Here’s to a whole lot more.