As everybody is saying, this has been such a year. I’ve had many conversations about how at this time last year, I couldn’t have imagined the way this year would go.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard. So hard at times that it has taken everything I have to keep going and still be here.
I have always known that touch is my primary love language. I knew that I feel good when I can connect with people by touch, and I mean all sorts of touch and not just sexual. This year, I have learnt that not having that touch leads to a cumulative and destructive impact on my mental health. I have struggled so much and I now have to work very hard to keep myself OK and I can’t wait to have touch back in my life.
This year was already set to be a very significant one for me before we got into lock downs and our new way of existing. I resigned from my very stressful job, ending a 27 year career. Due to everything that happened, I stayed on for another 10 months from that point. Going forwards, I have made some very major change and I am prioritising taking control to find a good life balance for me. It’s a major change to my identity so I expect there to be some finding my way but the future looks good.
In another aspect of my life, 2020 has been wonderful and enriching. I have, I think, deepened and become so secure in my relationships with partners. It’s been hard not seeing them but we have communicated all the way through. I have been more vulnerable and raw with them. I have also been there for them and have, I think, a lot of brightening their days as they have mine. They are part of my every day and they make my heart full and glowing with love. They have also been the main recipients of my exploration of making videos and maintaining my mojo and need for others to be involved in my sex life. Knowing that someone would watch what I was doing, really made it rewarding.
If you’ve read much of my stuff, you’ll know that I have brain weasels that love making me feel insecure. In a bizarre twist of fate, the lack of seeing people in person has smacked them on the head and booted those particular ones into space. They used to whisper to me that people only ‘liked’ me because I turned up at things and they were being polite. Well, you know what, when friends are amazing friends through a year like this and they reach out and make sure that you feel their friendship by any and all ways possible: it’s safe to say that they are real deep friendships and it has sweet fuck all to do with being polite.
In all of this strange year, my life has also been enriched. In the spaces between restrictions, I’ve met up with and played with lovers and had evenings that still give me that spine tingling shiver when I think about them. I have had some of the best filthy fun.
I have had photo adventures and have pictures that I will be sharing an time goes on. Each picture is tied to wonderful happy times with friends who fill me with joy. You are going to love what you see.
I’m sat here, taking a small pause before I write this next paragraph because like so many things this year, I had no idea that this would happen if we rewound to twelve months ago.
2020 has been the year that I have new and very important people in my life. There is the fabulous and oh-my-god sexy couple who I talked about here. Honestly, I think it is impossible to feel like you’re anything other than the cat who got the cream having these two in your life. Love, lust and friendship all seasoned with filth, cheek and lots and lots of laughter.
Then there is someone who has gone from a very fancied tweeter to a lover and now a partner who is a really important part of my life. You’ve known about him since this amazing experience happened. I know that I am ridiculously lucky in friendships and relationships and I am so buzzing with happiness that Jaffa is such a wonderful part of my life.
The current situation with increasing restrictions and high levels of risk is not a good place for anyone, but right now, I am filled with that glow of hope like the first tendrils of dawn tentatively creeping into the sky. I am starting to pencil in plans with partners and friends. The timescales aren’t able to be tied down yet, but it’s definitely going to be possible and making flexible plans feels soul nourishingly good and exciting after the year we have just had.
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year!