Release

Rules, tasks and structure really work for me. I feel secure in them. They give me control and, to some extent, a purpose.

This week has been draining and I have had to work really hard not to let my depression win and totally disconnect me from everything that isn’t a work or family responsibility. Even keeping up with those has been hard work.

Unsurprisingly, in the tension and anxiety of this week, my libido has been quiet. Instead of the normal thrum of want, I haven’t really given it a thought on my own. This is where the rules and control have come in for me.

My favourite sadist has control of my orgasms. He controls when I can edge and when I can come. I can ask for permission and sometimes he grants it. Sometimes he sends an instruction to edge or to come. Often those instructions come with an unspecified time limit which can be deliciously frustrating when I am not in a position to take advantage – my masochism isn’t only for being beaten.

If you had asked me to describe my libido is I woke up the other day, I would have given a very bland answer. The only time I had felt turned on this week had been when I had watched my beautiful man come for me the day before. However, I was wrong. I was given permission to come by my favourite sadist and my body was more ready than I had imagined it was capable of being.

The first orgasm took me by complete surprise within seconds of touching myself. I was so impressed that I could come in these circumstances, let alone come that fast, so I grabbed my phone.

Orgasms followed quickly one after the other. Each one wetter than the one before. This image is a screenshot from the ridiculous/amazing/beautiful squirt of orgasm number four.

I’m hating not being able to be with my partners but I am very grateful that they can still hot wire my libido and give me release.