Life feels pared back at the moment. In so many ways, I am very privileged. Although I have health conditions that make me vulnerable, I have managed OK so far. I’ve meal planned and managed to do the shopping in one go every week. The rest of the time, I’ve made a bubble at home. It’s not a completely sealed bubble because members of the family have had to keep going to work but it still feels safer than it will be when I am forced to return to my workplace.
All of that is good and I recognise my privilege in my situation. It’s not all good though. My primary love language is touch and I am starved of that. Add onto that my difficulty with asking for anything and it’s hard. I’m in daily contact with my lovers and we talk by text throughout the day. The trouble with the continued separation is that I don’t know if it is a good time or a good day to ask for what I crave so I try not to be a burden. I also need things to be done because that is what the other person wants not because they are just doing it because I asked – I get totally tied in a mess with this.
I’m working hard on challenging my depression demons and not spinning down the spiral when I feel myself starting to slip. I’m hot wiring my brain by making daily cheeky #HappyHoneyFun videos and sharing them on twitter – doing that has helped in many ways. I don’t know how many more there will be because I don’t have an endless supply of ideas.
I am feeling raw and vulnerable. I super charge my cheekiness and creativity but not having the depth of those feedback and energising interactions means that it feels like the drop from the happy highs is harder. I feel pared back to the extremes.
This image is an edit of one that I took for #BankHolidayBumDay. I surprised myself when I saw the original with how beautiful I found it. When I was fiddling with edits, I did this one by accident but it feels beautiful, pared back and raw and that fits with how I feel right now.
“I am feeling raw and vulnerable.” So much this…. I think we are in very similar situations in so many ways and I feel your words to hard
Hugs my friend, hopefully one day in person too
Molly
I’ve always liked your tat. With this edit it really pops, like you say, raw, an erotic image for sure.
Your naming of what is going on within you and around you seems so much like your interwoven tattoo. Simple, yet complex. Soft round sections balanced with sharper more delineated sections. Everything is in symmetry and flowing smoothly together unlike today’s world.
The things that ground us and nourish us–like touch, compassionate conversations,caring connections–are knocked off-kilter and seem so much less predictable. You name this topsy-turvyness well.
You are working so hard at keeping yourself on an even keel with a good measure of success.
In my own way I find each day’s depression, seeking positive thoughts and memories is a struggle. I struggle to remember what I’ve learned that helps me keep from going under and spiraling downward into my hopeless emotional abyss. Strangely I have to work hard to be in the present moment and feel grateful. Since my traumatic brain injury, joy and happiness are no longer present. They are only abstract ideas. I don’t experience them in my body.
In times like these no one is a crushing burden to the others who love us. Instead I keep getting reminded that the weightiness of what is happening within each one of us lightens as we share ourselves. May you experience feeling lifted up by those who love you, including this blogging community.
A simples yet beautiful picture. I like you fade away into the white on one side. Great tattoo also. I feel you with the lack of interactions…makes me depressed too.
I’m with Elliott on this … and this is perfectly lovely !!!
Xxx – K
Beautiful contrasts in the picture and sentiments in the writing. The situation is challenging all of us in different ways and to different degrees and being starved of touch must be awful. I hope you find some personal peace with this soon.
Xx ❤ *hugs* xx
Sending you hugs and positive thoughts and wishes. Lovely image xx
I hear you. I have so many privileges in this and yet loneliness is tearing me apart now. Other than my partner and work, the only interaction I have with anyone is via Twitter, is so hard not seeing people to chat let alone be with and touch them.
That is a really beautiful image. I’m sorry you’re feeling vulnerable and finding it difficult, I really hope things get easier soon. Know that you’re allowed to ask for what you need, you are allowed to need things.